Predictions for The Year 1708
WHEREIN THE MONTH, AND DAY OF THE MONTH ARE SET DOWN, THE PERSONS NAMED, AND THE GREAT ACTIONS AND EVENTS OF NEXT YEAR PARTICULARLY RELATED AS WILL COME TO PASS.
WRITTEN TO PREVENT THE PEOPLE OF ENGLAND FROM BEING FARTHER IMPOSED ON BY VULGAR ALMANACK-MAKERS.
BY ISAAC BICKERSTAFF, ESQ.
I HAVE long considered the gross abuse of astrology in this
kingdom, and upon debating the matter with myself, I could not
possibly lay the fault upon the art, but upon those gross impostors
who set up to be the artists. I know several learned men have
contended that the whole is a cheat; that it is absurd and
ridiculous to imagine the stars can have any influence at all upon
human actions, thoughts, or inclinations; and whoever has not bent
his studies that way may be excused for thinking so, when he sees
in how wretched a manner that noble art is treated by a few mean
illiterate traders between us and the stars, who import a yearly
stock of nonsense, lies, folly, and impertinence, which they offer
to the world as genuine from the planets, though they descend from
no greater a height than their own brains.
I intend in a short time to publish a large and rational defence of
this art, and therefore shall say no more in its justification at
present than that it hath been in all ages defended by many learned
men, and among the rest by Socrates himself, whom I look upon as
undoubtedly the wisest of uninspired mortals: to which if we add
that those who have condemned this art, though otherwise learned,
having been such as either did not apply their studies this way, or
at least did not succeed in their applications, their testimony
will not be of much weight to its disadvantage, since they are
liable to the common objection of condemning what they did not
understand.
Nor am I at all offended, or think it an injury to the art, when I
see the common dealers in it, the students in astrology, the
Philomaths, and the rest of that tribe, treated by wise men with
the utmost scorn and contempt; but rather wonder, when I observe
gentlemen in the country, rich enough to serve the nation in
Parliament, poring in Partridge's Almanack to find out the events
of the year at home and abroad, not daring to propose a hunting-
match till Gadbury or he have fixed the weather.
I will allow either of the two I have mentioned, or any other of
the fraternity, to he not only astrologers, but conjurers too, if I
do not produce a hundred instances in all their almanacks to
convince any reasonable man that they do not so much as understand
common grammar and syntax; that they are not able to spell any word
out of the usual road, nor even in their prefaces write common
sense or intelligible English. Then for their observations and
predictions, they are such as will equally suit any age or country
in the world. "This month a certain great person. will be
threatened with death or sickness." This the newspapers will tell
them; for there we find at the end of the year that no month passes
without the death of some person of note; and it would be hard if
it should be otherwise, when there are at least two thousand
persons of note in this kingdom, many of them old, and the
almanack-maker has the liberty of choosing the sickliest season of
the year where lie may fix his prediction. Again, "This month an
eminent clergyman will be preferred;" of which there may be some
hundreds, half of them with one foot in the grave. Then "such a
planet in such a house shows great machinations, plots, and
conspiracies, that may in time be brought to light:" after which,
if we hear of any discovery, the astrologer gets the honour; if
not, his prediction still stands good. And at last, "God preserve
King William from all his open and secret enemies, Amen." When if
the King should happen to have died, the astrologer plainly
foretold it; otherwise it passes but for the pious ejaculation of a
loyal subject; though it unluckily happened in some of their
almanacks that poor King William was prayed for many months after
he was dead, because it fell out that he died about the beginning
of the year.
To mention no more of their impertinent predictions: what have we
to do with their advertisements about pills and drink for disease?
or their mutual quarrels in verse and prose of Whig and Tory,
wherewith the stars have little to do?
Having long observed and lamented these, and a hundred other abuses
of this art, too tedious to repeat, I resolved to proceed in a new
way, which I doubt not will be to the general satisfaction of the
kingdom. I can this year produce but a specimen of what I design
for the future, having employed most part of my time in adjusting
and correcting the calculations I made some years past, because I
would offer nothing to the world of which I am not as fully
satisfied as that I am now alive. For these two last years I have
not failed in above one or two particulars, and those of no very
great moment. I exactly foretold the miscarriage at Toulon, with
all its particulars, and the loss of Admiral Shovel, though I was
mistaken as to the day, placing that accident about thirty-six
hours sooner than it happened; but upon reviewing my schemes, I
quickly found the cause of that error. I likewise foretold the
Battle of Almanza to the very day and hour, with the lose on both
sides, and the consequences thereof. All which I showed to some
friends many months before they happened - that is, I gave them
papers sealed up, to open at such a time, after which they were at
liberty to read them; and there they found my predictions true in
every article, except one or two very minute.
As for the few following predictions I now offer the world, I
forbore to publish them till I had perused the several almanacks
for the year we are now entered on. I find them all in the usual
strain, and I beg the reader will compare their manner with mine.
And here I make bold to tell the world that I lay the whole credit
of my art upon the truth of these predictions; and I will be
content that Partridge, and the rest of his clan, may hoot me for a
cheat and impostor if I fail in any single particular of moment. I
believe any man who reads this paper will look upon me to be at
least a person of as much honesty and understanding as a common
maker of almanacks. I do not lurk in the dark; 1 am not wholly
unknown in the world; I have set my name at length, to be a mark of
infamy to mankind, if they shall find I deceive them.
In one thing I must desire to be forgiven, that I talk more
sparingly of home affairs. As it will be imprudence to discover
secrets of State, so it would be dangerous to my person; but in
smaller matters, and that are not of public consequence, I shall be
very free; and the truth of my conjectures will as much appear from
those as the others. As for the most signal events abroad, in
France, Flanders, Italy, and Spain, I shall make no scruple to
predict them in plain terms. Some of them are of importance, and I
hope I shall seldom mistake the day they will happen; therefore I
think good to inform the reader that I all along make use of the
Old Style observed in England, which I desire he will compare with
that of the newspapers at the time they relate the actions I
mention.
I must add one word more. I know it hath been the opinion of
several of the learned, who think well enough of the true art of
astrology, that the stars do only incline, and not force the
actions or wills of men, and therefore, however I may proceed by
right rules, yet I cannot in prudence so confidently assure the
events will follow exactly as I predict them.
I hope I have maturely considered this objection, which in some
cases is of no little weight. For example: a man may, by the
influence of an over-ruling planet, be disposed or inclined to
lust, rage, or avarice, and yet by the force of reason overcome
that bad influence; and this was the case of Socrates. But as the
great events of the world usually depend upon numbers of men, it
cannot be expected they should all unite to cross their
inclinations from pursuing a general design wherein they
unanimously agree. Besides, the influence of the stars reaches to
many actions and events which are not any way in the power of
reason, as sickness, death, and what we commonly call accidents,
with many more, needless to repeat.
But now it is time to proceed to my predictions, which I have begun
to calculate from the time that the sun enters into Aries. And
this I take to be properly the beginning of the natural year. I
pursue them to the time that he enters Libra, or somewhat more,
which is the busy period of the year. The remainder I have not yet
adjusted, upon account of several impediments needless here to
mention. Besides, I must remind the reader again that this is but
a specimen of what I design in succeeding years to treat more at
large, if I may have liberty and encouragement.
My first prediction is but a trifle, yet I will mention it, to show
how ignorant those sottish pretenders to astrology are in their own
concerns. It relates to Partridge, the almanack-maker. I have
consulted the stars of his nativity by my own rules, and find he
will infallibly die upon the 29th of March next, about eleven at
night, of a raging fever; therefore I advise him to consider of it,
and settle his affairs in time.
The month of APRIL will be observable for the death of many great
persons. On the 4th will die the Cardinal de Noailles, Archbishop
of Paris; on the 11th, the young Prince of Asturias, son to the
Duke of Anjou; on the 14th, a great peer of this realm will die at
his country house; on the 19th, an old layman of great fame for
learning, and on the 23rd, an eminent goldsmith in Lombard Street.
I could mention others, both at home and abroad, if I did not
consider it is of very little use or instruction to the reader, or
to the world.
As to public affairs: On the 7th of this month there will be an
insurrection in Dauphiny, occasioned by the oppressions of the
people, which will not be quieted in some months.
On the 15th will be a violent storm on the south-east coast of
France, which will destroy many of their ships, and some in the
very harbour.
The 11th will be famous for the revolt of a whole province or
kingdom, excepting one city, by which the affairs of a certain
prince in the Alliance will take a better face.
MAY, against common conjectures, will be no very busy month in
Europe, but very signal for the death of the Dauphin, which will
happen on the 7th, after a short fit of sickness, and grievous
torments with the strangury. He dies less lamented by the Court
than the kingdom.
On the 9th a Marshal of France will break his leg by a fall from
his horse. I have not been able to discover whether he will then
die or not.
On the 11th will begin a most important siege, which the eyes of
all Europe will be upon: I cannot be more particular, for in
relating affairs that so nearly concern the Confederates, and
consequently this kingdom, I am forced to confine myself for
several reasons very obvious to the reader.
On the 15th news will arrive of a very surprising event, than which
nothing could be more unexpected.
On the 19th three noble ladies of this kingdom will, against all
expectation, prove with child, to the great joy of their husbands.
On the 23rd a famous buffoon of the playhouse will die a ridiculous
death, suitable to his vocation.
JUNE. This month will be distinguished at home by the utter
dispersing of those ridiculous deluded enthusiasts commonly called
the Prophets, occasioned chiefly by seeing the time come that many
of their prophecies should be fulfilled, and then finding
themselves deceived by contrary events. It is indeed to be admired
how any deceiver can be so weak to foretell things near at hand,
when a very few months must of necessity discover the impostor to
all the world; in this point less prudent than common almanack-
makers, who are so wise to wonder in generals, and talk dubiously,
and leave to the reader the business of interpreting.
On the 1st of this month a French general will be killed by a
random shot of a cannon-ball.
On the 6th a fire will break out in the suburbs of Paris, which
will destroy above a thousand houses, and seems to be the
foreboding of what will happen, to the surprise of all Europe,
about the end of the following month.
On the 10th a great battle will be fought, which will begin at four
of the clock in the afternoon, and last till nine at night with
great obstinacy, but no very decisive event. I shall not name the
place, for the reasons aforesaid, but the commanders on each left
wing will be killed. I see bonfires and hear the noise of guns for
a victory.
On the 14th there will be a false report of the French king's
death.
On the 20th Cardinal Portocarero will die of a dysentery, with
great suspicion of poison, but the report of his intention to
revolt to King Charles will prove false.
JULY. The 6th of this month a certain general will, by a glorious
action, recover the reputation he lost by former misfortunes.
On the 12th a great commander will die a prisoner in the hands of
his enemies.
On the 14th a shameful discovery will be made of a French Jesuit
giving poison to a great foreign general; and when he is put to the
torture, will make wonderful discoveries.
In short, this will prove a month of great action, if I might have
liberty to relate the particulars.
At home, the death of an old famous senator will happen on the 15th
at his country house, worn with age and diseases.
But that which will make this month memorable to all posterity is
the death of the French king, Louis the Fourteenth, after a week's
sickness at Marli, which will happen on the 29th, about six o'clock
in the evening. It seems to be an effect of the gout in his
stomach, followed by a flux. And in three days after Monsieur
Chamillard will follow his master, dying suddenly of an apoplexy.
In this month likewise an ambassador will die in London, but I
cannot assign the day.
AUGUST. The affairs of France will seem to suffer no change for a
while under the Duke of Burgundy's administration; but the genius
that animated the whole machine being gone, will be the cause of
mighty turns and revolutions in the following year. The new king
makes yet little change either in the army or the Ministry, but the
libels against his grandfather, that fly about his very Court, give
him uneasiness.
I see an express in mighty haste, with joy and wonder in his looks,
arriving by break of day on the 26th of this month, having
travelled in three days a prodigious journey by land and sea. In
the evening I hear bells and guns, and see the blazing of a
thousand bonfires.
A young admiral of noble birth does likewise this month gain
immortal honour by a great achievement.
The affairs of Poland are this month entirely settled; Augustus
resigns his pretensions which he had again taken up for some time:
Stanislaus is peaceably possessed of the throne, and the King of
Sweden declares for the emperor.
I cannot omit one particular accident here at home: that near the
end of this month much mischief will be done at Bartholomew Fair by
the fall of a booth.
SEPTEMBER. This month begins with a very surprising fit of frosty
weather, which will last near twelve days.
The Pope, having long languished last month, the swellings in his
legs breaking, and the flesh mortifying, will die on the 11th
instant; and in three weeks' time, after a mighty contest, be
succeeded by a cardinal of the Imperial faction, but native of
Tuscany, who is now about sixty-one years old.
The French army acts now wholly on the defensive, strongly
fortified in their trenches, and the young French king sends
overtures for a treaty of peace by the Duke of Mantua; which,
because it is a matter of State that concerns us here at home, I
shall speak no farther of it.
I shall add but one prediction more, and that in mystical terms,
which shall be included in a verse out of Virgil -
ALTER ERIT JAM TETHYS, ET ALTERA QUAE VEHAT ARGO
DELECTOS HEROAS.
Upon the 25th day of this month, the fulfilling of this prediction
will be manifest to everybody.
This is the farthest I have proceeded in my calculations for the
present year. I do not pretend that these are all the great events
which will happen in this period, but that those I have set down
will infallibly come to pass. It will perhaps still be objected
why I have not spoken more particularly of affairs at home, or of
the success of our armies abroad, which I might, and could very
largely have done; but those in power have wisely discouraged men
from meddling in public concerns, and I was resolved by no means to
give the least offence. This I will venture to say, that it will
be a glorious campaign for the Allies, wherein the English forces,
both by sea and land, will have their full share of honour; that
Her Majesty Queen Anne will continue in health and prosperity; and
that no ill accident will arrive to any in the chief Ministry.
As to the particular events I have mentioned, the readers may judge
by the fulfilling of them, whether I am on the level with common
astrologers, who, with an old paltry cant, and a few pothooks for
planets, to amuse the vulgar, have, in my opinion, too long been
suffered to abuse the world. But an honest physician ought not to
be despised because there are such things as mountebanks. I hope I
have some share of reputation, which I would not willingly forfeit
for a frolic or humour; and I believe no gentleman who reads this
paper will look upon it to be of the same cast or mould with the
common scribblers that are every day hawked about. My fortune has
placed me above the little regard of scribbling for a few pence,
which I neither value nor want; therefore, let no wise man too
hastily condemn this essay, intended for a good design, to
cultivate and improve an ancient art long in disgrace, by having
fallen into mean and unskilful hands. A little time will determine
whether I have deceived others or myself; and I think it is no very
unreasonable request that men would please to suspend their
judgments till then. I was once of the opinion with those who
despise all predictions from the stars, till in the year 1686 a man
of quality showed me, written in his album, that the most learned
astronomer, Captain H-, assured him, he would never believe
anything of the stars' influence if there were not a great
revolution in England in the year 1688. Since that time I began to
have other thoughts, and after eighteen years' diligent study and
application, I think I have no reason to repent of my pains. I
shall detain the reader no longer than to let him know that the
account I design to give of next year's events shall take in the
principal affairs that happen in Europe; and if I be denied the
liberty of offering it to my own country, I shall appeal to the
learned world, by publishing it in Latin, and giving order to have
it printed in Holland.
-THE END-
Jonathan Swift's parody: Predictions for The Year 1708
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