Forgive And Forget
Forgive and forget! Why the world would be lonely,
The garden a wilderness left to deform,
If the flowers but remembered the chilling winds only,
And the fields gave no verdure for fear of the storm! C. SWAIN.
"FORGIVE and forget, Herbert."
"No, I will neither forgive nor forget. The thing was done wantonly.
I never pass by a direct insult."
"Admit that it was done wantonly; but this I doubt. He is an old
friend, long tried and long esteemed. He could not have been
himself; he must have been carried away by some wrong impulse, when
he offended you."
"He acted from something in him, of course."
"We all do so. Nothing external can touch our volition, unless there
be that within which corresponds to the impelling agent."
"Very well. This conduct of Marston shows him to be internally
unworthy of my regard; shows him to possess a trait of character
that unfits him to be my friend. I have been mistaken in him. He now
stands revealed in his true light, a mean-spirited fellow."
"Don't use such language towards Marston, my young friend."
"He has no principle. He wished to render me ridiculous and do me
harm. A man who could act as he did, cannot possess a spark of
honourable feeling. Does a good fountain send forth bitter waters?
Is not a tree known by its fruit? When a man seeks wantonly to
insult and injure me, I discover that he wants principle, and wish
to have no more to do with him."
"Perhaps," said the individual with whom Herbert Arnest was
conversing, "it is your wounded self-love, more than your high
regard for principle, that speaks so eloquently against Marston."
"Mr. Welford!"
"Nay, my young friend, do not be offended with me. Your years, twice
told, would not make mine. I have lived long enough to get a cool
head and understand something of the springs of action that lie in
the human heart. The best, at best, have little to be proud of, and
much to lament over, in the matter of high and honourable impulses.
It is a far easier thing to do wrong than right; far easier to be
led away by our evil passions than to compel ourselves always to
regard justice and judgment in our dealings with others. Test
yourself by this rule. Would your feelings for Marston be the same
if he had only acted toward another as he has acted toward you? Do
not say 'yes' from a hasty impulse. Reflect coolly about it. If not,
then it is not so much a regard to principle, as your regard to
yourself, that causes you to be so bitterly offended."
This plain language was not relished by the young man. It was
touching the very thing in him that Marston had offended--his
self-love. He replied, coldly--
"As for that, I am very well satisfied with my own reasons for being
displeased with Marston; and am perfectly willing to be responsible
for my own action in this case. I will change very much from my
present feelings, if I ever have any thing more to do with him."
"God give you a better mind then," replied Mr. Welford. "It is the
best wish I can express for you."
The two young men who were now at variance with each other had been
friends for many years. As they entered the world, the hereditary
character of each came more fully into external manifestation, and
revealed traits not before seen, and not always the most agreeable
to others. Edward Marston had his faults, and so had Herbert Arnest:
the latter quite as many as the former. There was a mutual
observation of these, and a mutual forbearance towards each other
for a considerable time, although each thought more than was
necessary about things in the other that ought to be corrected. A
fault with Marston was quickness of temper and a disposition to say
unpleasant, cutting things, without due reflection. But he had a
forgiving disposition, and very many amiable and excellent
qualities. Arnest was also quick-tempered. His leading defect of
character was self-esteem, which made him exceedingly sensitive in
regard to the conduct of others as affecting the general estimation
of himself. He could not bear to have any freedom taken with him, in
company, even by his best friend. He felt it to be humiliating, if
not degrading. He, therefore, was a man of many dislikes, for one
and another were every now and then doing or saying something that
hurt more or less severely his self-esteem.
Marston had none of this peculiar weakness of his friend. He rarely
thought about the estimation in which he was held, and never let the
mere opinions of others influence him. But he was careful not to do
any thing that violated his own self-respect.
The breach between the young men occurred thus. The two friends were
in company with several others, and there was present a young lady
in whose eyes Arnest wished to appear in as favourable a light as
possible. He was relating an adventure in which he was the principal
hero, and, in doing so, exaggerated his own action so far as to
amuse Marston, who happened to know all about the circumstances, and
provoke from him some remarks that placed the whole affair in rather
a ridiculous light, and caused a laugh at Arnest's expense.
The young man's self-esteem was deeply wounded. Even the lady, for
whose ears the narrative had been more especially given, laughed
heartily, and made one or two light remarks; or, rather, heavy ones
for the ears of Arnest. He was deeply disturbed though at the time
he managed to conceal almost entirely what he felt.
Marston, however, saw that his thoughtless words had done more (sic)
than he had intended them to do, both upon the company and upon the
sensitive mind of his friend. He regretted having uttered them and
waited only until he should leave the company with Arnest, to
express his sorrow for what he had done. But his friend did not give
him this opportunity, for he managed to retire alone, thus
expressing to Marston the fact that he was seriously offended.
Early the next morning, Marston called at the residence of his
friend, in order to make an apology for having offended him; but he
happened not to be at home. On arriving at his office, he found a
note from Arnest, couched in the most offensive terms. The language
was such as to extinguish all desire or intention to apologize.
"Henceforth we are strangers," he said, as he thrust the note aside.
An hour afterward, they met on the street, looked coldly into each
other's face, and passed without even a nod. That act sealed the
record of estrangement.
Mr. Wellford was an old gentleman who was well acquainted with both
of the young men, and esteemed them for the good qualities they
possessed. When he heard of the occurrence just related, he was much
grieved, and sought to heal the breach that had been made; but
without success. Arnest's self-esteem had been sorely wounded, and
he would not forgive what he considered a wanton outrage. Marston
felt himself deeply insulted by the note he had received, and
maintained that he would forfeit his self-respect were he to hold
any intercourse whatever with a man who could, on so small a
provocation, write such a scandalous letter. Thus the matter stood;
wounded self-esteem on one side, and insulted self-respect on the
other, not only maintaining the breach, but widening it every day.
Mr Wellford used his utmost influence with his young friends to bend
them from their anger, but he argued the matter in vain. The voice
of pride was stronger than the voice of reason.
Months were suffered to go by, and even years to elapse, and still
they were as strangers. Circumstances threw them constantly
together; they met in places of business; they sat in full view of
each other in church on the holy Sabbath; they mingled in the same
social circles; the friends of one were the friends of the other;
but they rarely looked into each other's face, and never spoke. Did
this make them happier? No! For, "_If ye forgive not men their
trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your
trespasses_." Did they feel indifferent toward each other? Not by
any means! Arnest still dwelt on and magnified the provocation he
had received, but thought that the expression of his indignation had
not been of a character to give as great offence to Marston as it
had done. And Marston, as time passed, thought more and more lightly
of the few jesting words he had spoken, and considered them less and
less provocation for the insulting note he had received, which he
still had, and sometimes turned up and read.
The old friends were forced to think of each other often, for both
were rising in the world, and rising into general esteem and
respectability. The name of the one was often mentioned with
approbation in the presence of the other; and it sometimes happened
that they were thrown together in such a way as to render their
position toward each other really embarrassing: as, for instance,
one was called to preside at a public meeting, and the other chosen
secretary. Neither could refuse, and there had to be an official
intercourse between them; it was cold and formal in the extreme; and
neither could see as he looked into the eyes of the other, a glimmer
of the old light of friendship.
Mr. Wellford was present at this meeting, and marked the fact that
the intercourse between Arnest and Marston was official only--that
they did not unbend to each other in the least. He was grieved to
see it, for he knew the good qualities of both, and he had a high
respect for them.
"This must not be," said he to himself, as he walked thoughtfully
homeward. "They are making themselves unhappy, and preventing a
concert of useful efforts for good in society, and all for nothing.
I will try again to reconcile them; perhaps I may be more successful
than before."
So, on the next day, the old gentleman made it his business to call
upon Arnest, who expressed great pleasure in meeting him.
"I noticed," said Mr. Wellford, after he had conversed some time,
and finally introduced the subject of the meeting on the previous
evening, "that your intercourse with the secretary was exceedingly
formal; in fact, hardly courteous."
"I don't like Marston, as you are very well aware," replied Arnest.
"In which feeling you stand nearly alone, friend Arnest. Mr. Marston
is highly esteemed by all who know him."
"All don't know him as I do."
"Perhaps others know him better than you do; there may lie the
difference."
"If a man knocks me down, I know the weight of his arm much better
than those who have never felt it."
"Still nursing your anger, still harbouring unkind thoughts! Forgive
and forget, my friend--forgive and forget; no longer let the sun go
down upon your wrath."
"I can forgive, Mr. Wellford--I do forgive; for Heaven knows I wish
him no harm; but I cannot forget: that is asking too much."
"You do not forget, because you will not forgive," replied the old
gentleman. "Forgive, and you will soon forget. I am sure you will
both be happier in forgetting than you can be in remembering the
past."
But Arnest shook his head, remarking, as he so--"I would rather let
things remain as they are. At least, I cannot stoop to any
humiliating overtures for a reconciliation. When Marston outraged my
feelings so wantonly, I wrote him a pretty warm expression of my
sentiments in regard to his conduct. This gave him mortal offence. I
do not now remember what I wrote, but nothing, certainly, to have
prevented his coming forward and apologizing for his conduct; but he
did not choose to do this, and there the matter rests. I cannot
recall the angry rebuke I gave him, for it was no doubt just."
"A man who writes a letter in a passion, and afterwards forgets what
he has written," said Mr. Wellford, "may be sure that he has said
what his sober reason cannot approve. If you could have the letter
you then sent before you now, I imagine that you would no longer
wonder that Marston was offended."
"That is impossible; without doubt, he burned my note the moment he
received it."
Mr. Wellford tried in vain to induce Arnest to consent to forget
what was past; but he affirmed that this was impossible, and that he
had no wish to renew an acquaintance with his old friend.
About the same time that this interview took place, Marston was
alone, thinking with sad and softened feelings of the past. The
letter of Arnest was before him; he had turned it over by accident.
"He could not have been himself when he wrote this," he thought. It
was the first time he had permitted himself to think so. "My words
must have stung him severely, lightly as I uttered them, and with no
intention to wound. This matter ought not to have gone on so long.
Friends are not so plentiful that we may carelessly cast those we
have tried and proved aside. He has many excellent qualities."
Pride came quickly, with many suggestions about self-respect, and
what every man owed to himself.
"He owes it to himself to be just to others," Marston truly thought.
"Was I just in failing to apologize to my friend, notwihstanding
this offensive letter? No, I was not; for his action did not
exonerate me from the responsibility of mine. Ah, me! How passion
blinds us!"
After musing for some time, Marston drew towards him a sheet of
paper, and, taking up a pen, wrote:
"MY DEAR SIR:--What I ought to have done years ago, I do now, and
that is, offer you a sincere apology for light words thoughtlessly
spoken, but which I ought not to have used, as they were calculated
to wound, and, I am grieved to think, did wound. But for your note,
which I enclose, I should have made this apology the moment I had an
opportunity. But its peculiar tenor, I then felt, precluded me from
doing so. I confess that I erred in letting my feelings blind my
cooler judgment.
"Your old friend, MARSTON.
"To Mr. Herbert Arnest."
Enclosing the note alluded to in this letter, Marston sealed, and,
ringing for an attendant, despatched it.
"Better to do right late than never," he murmured, as he leaned
pensively back in his chair.
"Let what will come of it, I shall feel better, for I will gain my
own self-respect, and have an inward assurance that I have done
right,--more than I have for a long time had, in regard to this
matter at least."
Relieved in mind, Marston commenced looking over some papers in
reference to matters of business then on hand, and was soon so much
absorbed in them, that the subject which had lately filled his
thoughts faded entirely therefrom. Some one opened the door, and he
turned to see who was entering. In an instant he was on his feet. It
was Arnest.
The face of the latter was pale and agitated, and his lips quivered.
He came forward hurriedly, extending his hand, not to grasp that of
his old friend, but to hold up his own letter that had been just
returned to him.
"Marston," he said, huskily, "did I send you _this_ note?"
"You did," was the firm but mild answer.
"Thus I cancel it!" And he tore it into shreds, and scattered them
on the floor. "Would that its contents could be as easily
obliterated from your memory!" he added, in a most earnest voice.
"They are no longer there, my friend," returned Marston, with
visible emotion, now grasping the hand of Arnest. "You have wiped
them out."
Arnest returned the pressure with both hands, his eyes fixed on
those of Marston, until they grew so dim that he could no longer
read the old familiar lines and forgiving look.
"Let us forgive and forget," said Marston, speaking in a broken
voice. "We have wronged each other and ourselves. We have let evil
passions rule instead of good affections."
"From my heart do I say 'Amen,'" replied Arnest. "Yes, let us
forgive and forget. Would that we had been as wise as we now are,
years ago!"
Thus were they reconciled. And now the question is, What did either
gain by his indignation against the other? Did Arnest rise higher in
his self-esteem, or Marston gain additional self-respect? We think
not. Alas! how blinding is selfish passion! How it opens in the mind
the door for the influx of multitudes of evil and false suggestions!
How it hides the good in others, and magnifies, weakness into
crimes! Let us beware of it.
"Reconciled at last," said old Mr. Wellford, when he next saw Arnest
and heard the fact from his lips.
"Yes," replied the latter. "I can now forget as well as forgive."
"Rather say you can forget, _because_ you forgive. If you had
forgiven truly, you could have ceased to think of what was wrong in
your friend long ago. People talk of forgiving and not forgetting,
but it isn't so: they do not forget because they do not forgive."
"I believe you are right," said Arnest. "I think, now, as naturally
of my friend's good qualities as I ever did before of what was evil.
I forget the evil in thinking of the good."
"Because you have forgiven him," returned Mr. Wellford. "Before you
forgave him, your thought of evil gave no room for the thought of
good."
Mr. Wellford was right. After we have forgiven, we find it no hard
matter to forget.
-THE END-
T S Arthur's short story: Forgive And Forget
GO TO TOP OF SCREEN
