Adventures Of John Longbowe, Yeoman
Being A Modern-Antique Realistic Romance
(Compiled from several eminent sources)
It seemeth but fair that I, John Longbowe, should set down this
account of such hap and adventure as hath befallen me, without
flourish, vaporing, or cozening of speech, but as becometh one who,
not being a ready writer, goeth straight to the matter in hand in
few words. So, though I offend some, I shall yet convince all, the
which lieth closer to my purpose. Thus, it was in the year 1560,
or 1650, or mayhap 1710--for my memory is not what it hath been and
I ever cared little for monkish calendars or such dry-as-dust
matter, being active as becometh one who hath to make his way in
the world--yet I wot well it was after the Great Plague, which I
have great cause to remember, lying at my cozen's in Wardour
Street, London, in that lamentable year, eating of gilly flowers,
sulphur, hartes tongue and many stynking herbes; touching neither
man nor mayd, save with a great tongs steept in pitch; wearing a
fine maske of silk with a mouth piece of aromatic stuff--by reason
of which acts of hardihood and courage I was miraculously
preserved. This much I shall say as to the time of these
happenings, and no more. I am a plain, blunt man--mayhap rude of
speech should occasion warrant---so let them who require the
exactness of a scrivener or a pedagogue go elsewhere for their
entertainment and be hanged to them!
Howbeit, though no scholar, I am not one of those who misuse the
English speech, and, being foolishly led by the hasty custom of
scriveners and printers to write the letters "T" and "H" joined
together, which resembleth a "Y," do incontinently jump to the
conclusion the THE is pronounced "Ye,"--the like of which I never
heard in all England. And though this be little toward those great
enterprises and happenings I shall presently shew, I set it down
for the behoof of such malapert wights as must needs gird at a man
of spirit and action--and yet, in sooth, know not their own
letters.
So to my tale. There was a great frost when my Lord bade me follow
him to the water gate near our lodgings in the Strand. When we
reached it we were amazed to see that the Thames was frozen over
and many citizens disporting themselves on the ice--the like of
which no man had seen before. There were fires built thereon, and
many ships and barges were stuck hard and fast, and my Lord thought
it vastly pretty that the people were walking under their bows and
cabbin windows and climbing of their sides like mermen, but I,
being a plain, blunt man, had no joy in such idlenesse, deeming it
better that in these times of pith and enterprise they should be
more seemly employed. My Lord, because of one or two misadventures
by reason of the slipperiness of the ice, was fain to go by London
Bridge, which we did; my Lord as suited his humor ruffling the
staid citizens as he passed or peering under the hoods of their
wives and daughters--as became a young gallant of the time. I,
being a plain, blunt man, assisted in no such folly, but contented
myself, when they complayned to me, with damning their souls for
greasy interfering varlets. For I shall now make no scruple in
declaring that my Lord was the most noble Earl of Southampton,
being withheld from so saying before through very plainness and
bluntness, desiring as a simple yeoman to make no boast of serving
a man of so high quality.
We fared on over Bankside to the Globe playhouse, where my Lord
bade me dismount and deliver a secret message to the chief player--
which message was, "had he diligently perused and examined that he
wot of, and what said he thereof?" Which I did. Thereupon he that
was called the chief player did incontinently proceed to load mine
arms and wallet with many and divers rolls of manuscripts in my
Lord's own hand, and bade me say unto him that there was a great
frost over London, but that if he were to perform those plays and
masques publickly, there would be a greater frost there--to wit, in
the Globe playhouse. This I did deliver with the Manuscripts to my
Lord, who changed countenance mightily at the sight of them, but
could make nought of the message. At which the lad who held the
horses before the playhouse--one Will Shakespeare--split with
laughter. Whereat my Lord cursed him for a deer-stealing, coney-
catching Warwickshire lout, and cuffed him soundly. I wot there
will be those who remember that this Will Shakespeare afterwards
became a player and did write plays--which were acceptable even to
the Queen's Majesty's self--and I set this down not from vanity to
shew I have held converse with such, nor to give a seemingness and
colour to my story, but to shew what ill-judged, misinformed knaves
were they who did afterwards attribute friendship between my Lord
and this Will Shakespeare, even to the saying that he made sonnets
to my Lord. Howbeit, my Lord was exceeding wroth, and I, to
beguile him, did propose that we should leave our horses and
cargoes of manuscript behind and cross on the ice afoot, which
conceit pleased him mightily. In sooth it chanced well with what
followed, for hardly were we on the river when we saw a great crowd
coming from Westminster, before a caravan of strange animals and
savages in masks, capering and capricolling, dragging after them
divers sledges quaintly fashioned like swannes, in which were
ladies attired as fairies and goddesses and such like heathen and
wanton trumpery, which I, as a plain, blunt man, would have fallen
to cursing, had not my Lord himself damned me under his breath to
hold my peace, for that he had recognized my Lord of Leicester's
colours and that he made no doubt they were of the Court. As
forsooth this did presently appear; also that one of the ladies was
her Gracious Majesty's self--masked to the general eye, the better
to enjoy these miscalled festivities. I say miscalled, for, though
a loyal subject of her Majesty, and one who hath borne arms at
Tilbury Fort in defence of her Majesty, it inflamed my choler, as a
plain and blunt man, that her Mightiness should so degrade her
dignity. Howbeit, as a man who hath his way to make in the world,
I kept mine eyes well upon the anticks of the Great, while my Lord
joined the group of maskers and their follies. I recognized her
Majesty's presence by her discourse in three languages to as many
Ambassadors that were present--though I marked well that she had
not forgotten her own tongue, calling one of her ladies "a sluttish
wench," nor her English spirit in cuffing my Lord of Essex's ears
for some indecorum--which, as a plain man myself, curt in speech
and action, did rejoice me greatly. But I must relate one feat,
the like of which I never saw in England before or since. There
was a dance of the maskers, and in the midst of it her Majesty
asked the Ambassador from Spayne if he had seen the latest French
dance. He replied that he had not. Whereupon Her Most Excellent
Majesty skipt back a pace and forward a pace, and lifting her hoop,
delivered a kick at his Excellency's hat which sent it flying the
space of a good English ell above his head! Howbeit so great was
the acclamation that her Majesty was graciously moved to repeat it
to my Lord of Leicester, but, tripping back, her high heels caught
in her farthingale, and she would have fallen on the ice, but for
that my Lord, with exceeding swiftness and dexterity, whisked his
cloak from his shoulder, spreading it under her, and so received
her body in its folds on the ice, without himself touching her
Majesty's person. Her Majesty was greatly pleased at this, and
bade my Lord buy another cloak at her cost, though it swallowed an
estate; but my Lord replyed, after the lying fashion of the time,
that it was honour enough for him to be permitted to keep it after
"it had received her Royal person." I know that this hap hath been
partly related of another person--the shipman Raleigh--but I tell
such as deny me that they lie in their teeth, for I, John Longbowe,
have cause--miserable cause enough, I warrant--to remember it, and
my Lord can bear me out! For, spite of his fair speeches, when he
was quit of the Royal presence, he threw me his wet and bedraggled
cloak and bade me change it with him for mine own, which was dry
and warm. And it was this simple act which wrought the lamentable
and cruel deed of which I was the victim, for, as I followed my
Lord, thus apparelled, across the ice, I was suddenly set upon and
seized, a choke-pear clapt into my mouth so that I could not cry
aloud, mine eyes bandaged, mine elbows pinioned at my side in that
fatall cloak like to a trussed fowl, and so I was carried to where
the ice was broken, and thrust into a boat. Thence I was conveyed
in the same rude sort to a ship, dragged up her smooth, wet side,
and clapt under hatches. Here I lay helpless as in a swoon. When
I came to, it was with a great trampling on the decks above and the
washing of waves below, and I made that the ship was moving--but
where I knew not. After a little space the hatch was lifted from
where I lay, the choke-pear taken from my mouth; but not the
bandage from mine eyes, so I could see nought around me. But I
heard a strange voice say: "What coil is this? This is my Lord's
cloak in sooth, but not my Lord that lieth in it! Who is this
fellow?" At which I did naturally discover the great misprise of
those varlets who had taken me for my dear Lord, whom I now damned
in my heart for changing of the cloaks! Howbeit, when I had
fetched my breath with difficulty, being well nigh spent by reason
of the gag, I replyed that I was John Longbowe, my Lord's true
yeoman, as good a man as any, as they should presently discover
when they set me ashore. That I knew-- "Softly, friend," said the
Voice, "thou knowest too much for the good of England and too
little for thine own needs. Thou shalt be sent where thou mayest
forget the one and improve thy knowledge of the other." Then as if
turning to those about him, for I could not see by reason of the
blindfold, he next said: "Take him on your voyage, and see that he
escape not till ye are quit of England." And with that they clapt
to the hatch again, and I heard him cast off from the ship's side.
There was I, John Longbowe, an English yeoman,--I, who but that day
had held converse with Will Shakespeare and been cognizant of the
revels of Her Most Christian Majesty even to the spying of her
garter!--I was kidnapped at the age of forty-five or thereabout--
for I will not be certain of the year--and forced to sea for that
my Lord of Southampton had provoked the jealousie and envy of
divers other great nobles.
CHAPTERS I TO XX
I AM FORCED TO SEA AND TO BECOME A PIRATE! I SUFFER LAMENTABLY
FROM SICKNESS BY REASON OF THE BIGNESSE OF THE WAVES. I COMMIT
MANY CRUELTIES AND BLOODSHED. BUT BY THE DIVINE INTERCESSION I
EVENTUALLY THROW THE WICKED CAPTAIN OVERBOARD AND AM ELECTED IN HIS
STEAD. I DISCOVER AN ISLAND OF TREASURE, OBTAIN POSSESSION THEREOF
BY A TRICKE, AND PUT THE NATIVES TO THE SWORD.
I marvel much at those who deem it necessary in the setting down of
their adventures to gloze over the whiles between with much matter
of the country, the peoples, and even their own foolish reflections
thereon, hoping in this way to cozen the reader with a belief in
their own truthfulness, and encrease the extravagance of their
deeds. I, being a plain, blunt man, shall simply say for myself
that for many days after being taken from the bilboes and made free
of the deck, I was grievously distempered by reason of the waves,
and so collapsed in the bowels that I could neither eat, stand, nor
lie. Being thus in great fear of death, from which I was
miraculously preserved, I, out of sheer gratitude to my Maker, did
incontinently make oath and sign articles to be one of the crew--
which were buccaneers. I did this the more readily as we were to
attack the ships of Spayne only, and through there being no state
of Warre at that time between England and that country, it was
wisely conceived that this conduct would provoke it, and we should
thus be forearmed, as became a juste man in his quarrel. For this
we had the precious example of many great Captains. We did
therefore heave to and burn many ships--the quality of those
engagements I do not set forth, not having a seaman's use of ship
speech, and despising, as a plain, blunt man, those who misuse it,
having it not.
But this I do know, that, having some conceit of a shipman's ways
and of pirates, I did conceive at this time a pretty song for my
comradoes, whereof the words ran thus:--
Yo ho! when the Dog Watch bayeth loud
In the light of a mid-sea moon!
And the Dead Eyes glare in the stiffening Shroud,
For that is the Pirate's noon!
When the Night Mayres sit on the Dead Man's Chest
Where no manne's breath may come--
Then hey for a bottle of Rum! Rum! Rum!
And a passage to Kingdom come!
I take no credit to myself for the same, except so far as it may
shew a touch of my Lord of Southampton's manner--we being intimate--
but this I know, that it was much acclaimed by the crew. Indeed
they, observing that the Captain was of a cruel nature, would fain
kill him and put me in his stead, but I, objecting to the shedding
of precious blood in such behoof, did prevent such a lamentable and
inhuman action by stealthily throwing him by night from his cabbin
window into the sea--where, owing to the inconceivable distance of
the ship from shore, he was presently drowned. Which untoward fate
had a great effect upon my fortunes, since, burthening myself with
his goods and effects, I found in his chest a printed proclamation
from an aged and infirm clergyman in the West of England
covenanting that, for the sum of two crowns, he would send to whoso
offered, the chart of an island of great treasure in the Spanish
Main, whereof he had had confession from the lips of a dying
parishioner, and the amount gained thereby he would use for the
restoration of his parish church. Now I, reading this, was struck
by a great remorse and admiration for our late Captain, for that it
would seem that he was, like myself, a staunch upholder of the
Protestant Faith and the Church thereof, as did appear by his
possession of the chart, for which he had no doubt paid the two
good crowns. As an act of penance I resolved upon finding the same
island by the aid of the chart, and to that purpose sailed East
many days, and South, and North, and West as many other days--the
manner whereof and the latitude and longitude of which I shall not
burden the reader with, holding it, as a plain, blunt man, mere
padding and impertinence to fill out my narrative, which helpeth
not the general reader. So, I say, when we sighted the Island,
which seemed to be swarming with savages, I ordered the masts to be
stripped, save but for a single sail which hung sadly and
distractedly, and otherwise put the ship into the likeness of a
forlorn wreck, clapping the men, save one or two, under hatches.
This I did to prevent the shedding of precious blood, knowing full
well that the ignorant savages, believing the ship in sore
distress, would swim off to her with provisions and fruit, bearing
no arms. Which they did, while we, as fast as they clomb the
sides, despatched them at leisure, without unseemly outcry or
alarms. Having thus disposed of the most adventurous, we landed
and took possession of the island, finding thereon many kegs of
carbuncles and rubies and pieces of eight--the treasure store of
those lawless pirates who infest the seas, having no colour of war
or teaching of civilisation to atone for their horrid deeds.
I discovered also, by an omission in the chart, that this was not
the Island wot of by the good and aged Devonshire divine--and so we
eased our consciences of accounting for the treasure to him. We
then sailed away, arriving after many years' absence at the Port of
Bristol in Merrie England, where I took leave of the "Jolly Roger,"
that being the name of my ship; it was a strange conceit of seamen
in after years ever to call the device of my FLAG--to wit, a skull
and bones made in the sign of a Cross--by the NAME my ship bore,
and if I have only corrected the misuse of history by lying knaves,
I shall be content with this writing. But alas! such are the
uncertainties of time; I found my good Lord of Southampton dead and
most of his friends beheaded, and the blessed King James of
Scotland--if I mistake not, for these also be the uncertainties of
time--on the throne. In due time I married Mistress Marian
Straitways. I might have told more of trifling, and how she fared,
poor wench! in mine absence, even to the following of me in another
ship, in a shipboy's disguise, and how I rescued her from a
scheming Pagan villain; but, as a plain, blunt man, I am no hand at
the weaving of puling love tales and such trifling diversions for
lovesick mayds and their puny gallants--having only consideration
for men and their deeds, which I have here set down bluntly and
even at mine advanced years am ready to maintain with the hand that
set it down.
-THE END-
Bret Harte's short story: Adventures Of John Longbowe, Yeoman
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