VOLUME II - BOOK V - CHAPTER VII

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Chapter VII - Containing various matters.

We have already mentioned the good-humour in which Booth returned

home; and the reader will easily believe it was not a little encreased

by the good-humour in which he found his company. My lord received him

with the utmost marks of friendship and affection, and told him that

his affairs went on as well almost as he himself could desire, and

that he doubted not very soon to wish him joy of a company.

When Booth had made a proper return to all his lordship's unparalleled

goodness, he whispered Amelia that the colonel was entirely out of

danger, and almost as well as himself. This made her satisfaction

complete, threw her into such spirits, and gave such a lustre to her

eyes, that her face, as Horace says, was too dazzling to be looked at;

it was certainly too handsome to be looked at without the highest

admiration.

His lordship departed about ten o'clock, and left the company in

raptures with him, especially the two ladies, of whom it is difficult

to say which exceeded the other in his commendations. Mrs. Ellison

swore she believed he was the best of all humankind; and Amelia,

without making any exception, declared he was the finest gentleman and

most agreeable man she had ever seen in her life; adding, it was great

pity he should remain single. "That's true, indeed," cries Mrs.

Ellison, "and I have often lamented it; nay, I am astonished at it,

considering the great liking he always shews for our sex, and he may

certainly have the choice of all. The real reason, I believe, is, his

fondness for his sister's children. I declare, madam, if you was to

see his behaviour to them, you would think they were his own. Indeed

he is vastly fond of all manner of children." "Good creature!" cries

Amelia; "if ever he doth me the honour of another visit I am resolved

I will shew him my little things. I think, Mrs. Ellison, as you say my

lord loves children, I may say, without vanity, he will not see many

such." "No, indeed, will he not," answered Mrs. Ellison: "and now I

think on't, madam, I wonder at my own stupidity in never making the

offer before; but since you put it into my head, if you will give me

leave, I'll take master and miss to wait on my lord's nephew and

niece. They are very pretty behaved children; and little master and

miss will be, I dare swear, very happy in their acquaintance; besides,

if my lord himself should see them, I know what will happen; for he is

the most generous of all human beings."

Amelia very readily accepted the favour which Mrs. Ellison offered

her; but Booth exprest some reluctance. "Upon my word, my dear," said

he, with a smile, "this behaviour of ours puts me in mind of the

common conduct of beggars; who, whenever they receive a favour, are

sure to send other objects to the same fountain of charity. Don't we,

my dear, repay our obligations to my lord in the same manner, by

sending our children a begging to him?"

"O beastly!" cries Mrs. Ellison; "how could such a thought enter your

brains? I protest, madam, I begin to grow ashamed of this husband of

yours. How can you have so vulgar a way of thinking? Begging, indeed!

the poor little dear things a begging! If my lord was capable of such

a thought, though he was my own brother instead of my cousin, I should

scorn him too much ever to enter his doors." "O dear madam!" answered

Amelia, "you take Mr. Booth too seriously, when he was only in jest;

and the children shall wait upon you whenever you please."

Though Booth had been a little more in earnest than Amelia had

represented him, and was not, perhaps, quite so much in the wrong as

he was considered by Mrs. Ellison, yet, seeing there were two to one

against him, he wisely thought proper to recede, and let his simile go

off with that air of a jest which his wife had given it.

Mrs. Ellison, however, could not let it pass without paying some

compliments to Amelia's understanding, nor without some obscure

reflexions upon Booth, with whom she was more offended than the matter

required. She was indeed a woman of most profuse generosity, and could

not bear a thought which she deemed vulgar or sneaking. She afterwards

launched forth the most profuse encomiums of his lordship's

liberality, and concluded the evening with some instances which he had

given of that virtue which, if not the noblest, is, perhaps, one of

the most useful to society with which great and rich men can be

endowed.

The next morning early, serjeant Atkinson came to wait on lieutenant

Booth, and desired to speak with his honour in private. Upon which the

lieutenant and serjeant took a walk together in the Park. Booth

expected every minute when the serjeant would open his mouth; under

which expectation he continued till he came to the end of the mall,

and so he might have continued till he came to the end of the world;

for, though several words stood at the end of the serjeant's lips,

there they were likely to remain for ever. He was, indeed, in the

condition of a miser, whom a charitable impulse hath impelled to draw

a few pence to the edge of his pocket, where they are altogether as

secure as if they were in the bottom; for, as the one hath not the

heart to part with a farthing, so neither had the other the heart to

speak a word.

Booth at length, wondering that the serjeant did not speak, asked him,

What his business was? when the latter with a stammering voice began

the following apology: "I hope, sir, your honour will not be angry,

nor take anything amiss of me. I do assure you, it was not of my

seeking, nay, I dare not proceed in the matter without first asking

your leave. Indeed, if I had taken any liberties from the goodness you

have been pleased to shew me, I should look upon myself as one of the

most worthless and despicable of wretches; but nothing is farther from

my thoughts. I know the distance which is between us; and, because

your honour hath been so kind and good as to treat me with more

familiarity than any other officer ever did, if I had been base enough

to take any freedoms, or to encroach upon your honour's goodness, I

should deserve to be whipt through the regiment. I hope, therefore,

sir, you will not suspect me of any such attempt."

"What can all this mean, Atkinson?" cries Booth; "what mighty matter

would you introduce with all this previous apology?"

"I am almost ashamed and afraid to mention it," answered the serjeant;

"and yet I am sure your honour will believe what I have said, and not

think anything owing to my own presumption; and, at the same time, I

have no reason to think you would do anything to spoil my fortune in

an honest way, when it is dropt into my lap without my own seeking.

For may I perish if it is not all the lady's own goodness, and I hope

in Heaven, with your honour's leave, I shall live to make her amends

for it." In a word, that we may not detain the reader's curiosity

quite so long as he did Booth's, he acquainted that gentleman that he

had had an offer of marriage from a lady of his acquaintance, to whose

company he had introduced him, and desired his permission to accept of

it.

Booth must have been very dull indeed if, after what the serjeant had

said, and after what he had heard Mrs. Ellison say, he had wanted any

information concerning the lady. He answered him briskly and

chearfully, that he had his free consent to marry any woman whatever;

"and the greater and richer she is," added he, "the more I shall be

pleased with the match. I don't enquire who the lady is," said he,

smiling, "but I hope she will make as good a wife as, I am convinced,

her husband will deserve."

"Your honour hath been always too good to me," cries Atkinson; "but

this I promise you, I will do all in my power to merit the kindness

she is pleased to shew me. I will be bold to say she will marry an

honest man, though he is but a poor one; and she shall never want

anything which I can give her or do for her, while my name is Joseph

Atkinson."

"And so her name is a secret, Joe, is it?" cries Booth.

"Why, sir," answered the serjeant, "I hope your honour will not insist

upon knowing that, as I think it would be dishonourable in me to

mention it."

"Not at all," replied Booth; "I am the farthest in the world from any

such desire. I know thee better than to imagine thou wouldst disclose

the name of a fair lady." Booth then shook Atkinson heartily by the

hand, and assured him earnestly of the joy he had in his good fortune;

for which the good serjeant failed not of making all proper

acknowledgments. After which they parted, and Booth returned home.

As Mrs. Ellison opened the door, Booth hastily rushed by; for he had

the utmost difficulty to prevent laughing in her face. He ran directly

up-stairs, and, throwing himself into a chair, discharged such a fit

of laughter as greatly surprized, and at first almost frightened, his

wife.

Amelia, it will be supposed, presently enquired into the cause of this

phenomenon, with which Booth, as soon as he was able (for that was not

within a few minutes), acquainted her. The news did not affect her in

the same manner it had affected her husband. On the contrary, she

cried, "I protest I cannot guess what makes you see it in so

ridiculous a light. I really think Mrs. Ellison hath chosen very well.

I am convinced Joe will make her one of the best of husbands; and, in

my opinion, that is the greatest blessing a woman can be possessed

of."

However, when Mrs. Ellison came into her room a little while

afterwards to fetch the children, Amelia became of a more risible

disposition, especially when the former, turning to Booth, who was

then present, said, "So, captain, my jantee-serjeant was very early

here this morning. I scolded my maid heartily for letting him wait so

long in the entry like a lacquais, when she might have shewn him into

my inner apartment." At which words Booth burst out into a very loud

laugh; and Amelia herself could no more prevent laughing than she

could blushing.

"Heyday!" cries Mrs. Ellison; "what have I said to cause all this

mirth?" and at the same time blushed, and looked very silly, as is

always the case with persons who suspect themselves to be the objects

of laughter, without absolutely taking what it is which makes them

ridiculous.

Booth still continued laughing; but Amelia, composing her muscles,

said, "I ask your pardon, dear Mrs. Ellison; but Mr. Booth hath been

in a strange giggling humour all this morning; and I really think it

is infectious."

"I ask your pardon, too, madam," cries Booth, "but one is sometimes

unaccountably foolish."

"Nay, but seriously," said she, "what is the matter?--something I said

about the serjeant, I believe; but you may laugh as much as you

please; I am not ashamed of owning I think him one of the prettiest

fellows I ever saw in my life; and, I own, I scolded my maid at

suffering him to wait in my entry; and where is the mighty ridiculous

matter, pray?"

"None at all," answered Booth; "and I hope the next time he will be

ushered into your inner apartment."

"Why should he not, sir?" replied she, "for, wherever he is ushered, I

am convinced he will behave himself as a gentleman should."

Here Amelia put an end to the discourse, or it might have proceeded to

very great lengths; for Booth was of a waggish inclination, and Mrs.

Ellison was not a lady of the nicest delicacy.

Read next: VOLUME II#BOOK V#CHAPTER VIII

Read previous: VOLUME II#BOOK V#CHAPTER VI

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